a working SAHM

I love staying home with my kids, and even though I know its the best thing for my family, i have really missed working. Until last year I have worked full time since the age of 15, often holding down multiple jobs at once. I have always been independent and able to care for myself.  I am married to a hardworking man who does his best to give this family everything it needs, i really am grateful for his dedication. However, it is a different experience spending money when you are not the one earning it. I missed earning money on my own. I mean, Its hard to buy a present for someone if you have to ask them for money first, right?! So, I expressed the desire to work again with my husband and we agreed that becoming a nanny would work best in our current situation. This was we both won. I would still be home raising our kids and tending to our house – all while making a little bit of extra money to help out and contribute. Recently, an opportunity came up for me to begin babysitting full time in my home and I took it.

today is my first day, and so far everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.

The real challenge will be working on my craft business and my tamale business (more info to come later!) while being a nanny, but i am sure i’ll be able to do it all just fine.

To help keep us all calm, and to have a spirit filled home today, I have played an audio version of the scriptures through my dvd player all morning – 6 hours thus far – and it seems to be working well.

Almost doesn’t count…

Today is July 1st. This means that we have lived through a full six months of the year 2010. This got me thinking about what my new years resolutions were, and I decided to check my progress and share my status with you. You can read my New Years post HERE where I clearly outline my goals.

Resolution 1.)  to be a better missionary. i will invite (and pray the invitation is accepted) a minimum of 10 people to attend church with me. I was able to get two visitors last year, and although neither have been baptized yet I know that they have at least been introduced and that they know where to go if they have questions or concerns of any kind.

My first New Years Resolution this year was to be a better missionary. I feel as thought I got off on the right track by having the missionaries who are currently living in my ward over for dinner once and inviting my Mother over to join us. My mom has accompanied me to several church events where she seemed to have enjoyed herself, and I thought that maybe having her over for dinner would be a good start. We ate the dinner I had prepared, watched a church movie with the guys and then read a from our scriptures outloud. I am pretty sure the topic of that evenings discussions was The Restoration of the gospel because, still to this day, it is one of my favorite things to discuss. My mom was given a Book of Mormon to read aloud from and then accepted the offer to keep it. I am not sure if she has read any of it since, but I know that she has been introduced and she knows where to go if she has any questions. I invited the missionaries over once again the following month, and my mother agreed to join us, but I fell ill and had to cancel our plans so that I could go to the hospital that evening. I haven’t signed up to have them over since, but I think its about time. They have such a strong spirit about them, and you can’t help but have a great time when they are spending time with you in your home. As far as inviting anyone else to church, I have drooped invites into conversations and emails throughout the year, but as not to seem overly pushy, haven’t followed up as much as I probably should have.

Resolution 2.)  to better live the words of wisdom. I already follow the words of wisdom, but I want to be even healthier. I want to take care of this body that I have been given. I only get one and truth be told I have already put mine through hell and back in the seemingly short time i have been on this earth.

I am somewhat pleased with my progress on this resolution thus far. Of course I do follow the words of wisdom, I have since investigating the church and don’t ever intend on not following them, but, I still have a few unhealthy habits that I am sure I intended on giving up when I made this resolution. A decrease in fountain drinks would be a good start, as it seems to be my current obsession.

Resolution 3.) to be a better wife and mother. I will give all of myself to my family. I will make sure they know i love them and that I am here for them. I will teach Sam the right ways of living and try to get less frustrated with him as he grows and learns and naturally makes mistakes.  I will raise my daughter as best as I can and remember my unconditional love for her at all times – even during the 3am feeding on my 97th consecutive sleepless night following her birth.

Ah, yes. Its strange to re-visit these. I wrote them while I was expecting little Miss Charlie to arrive, and was almost clueless as to how her birth would effect me. I would like to say that I am, again, pleased with my progress on this resolution. I have been getting less frustrated with Sam as he grows, learns, and makes mistakes. He is actually very mature for his age, I think, and we have developed a great method of communication.  As far as Charlie goes, I make a conscious effort to enjoy her every moment of baby-hood. She has almost doubled in size since her birth and I know she’s just going to continue to get bigger. I still consider her a newborn, at only 7 weeks old, but she can sit unassisted for over an hour in her little chair and she can roll-over and scoot too. She still has her baby smell, but it is quickly fading and just the thought of it being entirely gone makes me want to cry. I try to focus only her while she nurses, although I do often multi-task, and just enjoy her. Sam grew up way to fast for me, and I am trying to slow down and enjoy it more this time around. She may very well be my last baby (although i hope not!) and I don’t to miss a thing. I also have taken much better care of my house and my other in-home responsibilities this year, than in years past. My focus is my family and everything I do – or choose not to do, for that matter – is for them… even if they might not understand it at times.

Resolution 4.)  blog more often. I want to use this blog as the tool i originally intended it to be. I want to learn more from ya’ll and i want to write about the ways that the LORD is working in my life.

I have pretty much failed thus far at obtaining this goal. I think about blogging ALL the time, but just never get around to it. You do have my promise that I will continue to make an effort when it comes to keeping this site updated. I do want to hear from you guys more often and I want to speak to you too.

Resolution 5.) read The Book of Mormon from start to finish. The ladies group at my church is doing a challenge together so that we can all read a little bit each day and complete the book on or before the end of the year.

Fail. Big fat FAIL. I haven’t even finished 2 Nephi, to be completely honestly with you, but I AM reading and I WILL finish. I am waiting before trying to accomplish other church-related things until I am done reading my scriptures from cover to cover. I am extremely motivated to do this, believe it or not, I just need a few hours of uninterrupted silence and I could probably read it all at once.

Almost doesn’t count, and because it doesn’t count I will continue to strive to reach these goals that I outlined 6 months ago. I’m so very glad I decided to revisit them, it was a good reminder.

Also, I’d love to hear from you… so de-lurk, my blogger friends, and say hi!

(PS what time does Magnolia ward start? I want to visit ya’ll, but I never remember what time your meetings begin. Sorry!)

Empty me of me so I can be filled with you…

Even though I have gotten together with church members on a very regular basis over the past six weeks, I hadn’t been to a church meeting until Yesterday. It was my first time back at the church, other than my cleaning assignment and a nursery play date, since the birth of Charlie. I knew I missed being there, but i didn’t realize just how much I had missed it. How much I needed to be there. I arrived late, and had to sit in the very last row. Sam was quiet and well behaved even though I hadn’t anything to entertain him. He just sat there and ‘read’ his scriptures and sang random lyrics when everyone else was singing hymns. I had to go to the mother’s room once with Charlie during sacrament to nurse, but other than that the day went very (unexpectedly) smoothly. Although I had been anticipating my return to church, I had been afraid about how hard it would be to tend to two children ALONE. I would run through all the possible scenarios in my head and just couldn’t figure out how i’d carry my scriptures, the carseat/carrier, sam’s bag-o-stuff, sam’s scriptures, a blanket for the baby, ect. So, i simply didn’t. Instead of bringing all kinds of things with me to church i decided on the basics – a diaper bag and scriptures. That was it. I decided that Sam should not be entertained with toys at church and that Charlie didn’t need anything other than diapers, wipes and *me*. I didn’t even bring in the baby carrier. I, instead, chose to ‘wear’ her on my chest to make juggling everything else easier. It went more smoothly than i thought it would – although an extra set of hands would have been nice – and I’m glad I finally went back.

I wasn’t able to take the sacrament because I arrived to late, but the talks were on family. It was so great to hear the speaker’s messages! I had been going to a family history class during the second hour of church before, but having missed so many weeks i was a bit unsure of wear to go, and arrived late to that class as well (i HATE being late, by the way.) I took my time dropping Sam off at his class and eventually found my way to mine. I didn’t stay there long though, I hadn’t brought any of my family history information or my netbook/laptop with with me. (oh, but how cool is this – my dad has all of my family history information dated back to like the 1400’s on BOTH sides of my family. He also knows who has had temple work done for them, even though that information might be outdated. Apparently, I have a great aunt and uncle whom I have never met that are church members, and even though my dad isn’t, he has kept up with some of their information. I haven’t actually uploaded any of my information on familysearch yet, but will as soon as i get it all from my dad.) I wondered out to the bulletin board that I decorate – my calling – and realized how far behind on that I had gotten. There were new members whose photos weren’t posted, and it was still decorated in a winter theme. I spoke to the sister whom I assist with the board and made plans for updating it. During the 3rd hour I made it to RS where I was reminded that we have hit the half way mark in our BOM reading challenge… where I realized I was only about a quarter of the way through.

The one year anniversary of my baptism is rapidly approaching and I haven’t finished anything that I told myself I would. I haven’t read the entire Book of Mormon yet. I haven’t kept up with my calling. I haven’t always done my visiting teaching. I haven’t always let my home teachers or visiting teachers come see me in my home because of reasons i can’t always control, but none-the-less…

Someone recently told met that “if you are too busy for to read your scriptures and to do what God has called you to do then you are much more busy than he ever wanted you to be!” Although, they were kidding when they told me this, I can’t help but feel the truth in that statement. There are so many tasks that I dedicate my time to that are in NO way more important than my studies and my other responsibilities.

Tonight, while driving home late from sewing at my mom’s house and trying to update my website with new items for sale (something i didn’t finish either…) I heard a song that spoke to me.

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you.

Oh, how I needed to hear those exact words. I am selfish. I have vein ambitions. I have a poisonous pride. I have come so far in the past year, but I’m still not done growing. I am still not done learning. I don’t think I ever will be…

I’ve had just enough of the spotlight
When it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood
And I’ve tasted my share
Of the sweet life
And the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough

I know how i can stray
And how fast my heart could change

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So i can be
Filled with you

Ive seen just enough of the quick buys
Of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away

I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change
Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you

Cuz everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
Compared to you
Cuz everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
So I surrender all

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you.
Filled with you
Empty me

What is the first thing you think of when you think of your father?

Recently I’ve been thinking alot about my Heavenly Father. I haven’t been to church in what seems like FOREVER because I was told by several sisters in my ward that you should stay home until your newborn is 4 to 6 weeks old. Charlie is almost 4 weeks now, and I’m super excited to be returning to church soon. I miss it. Really. I keep finding myself treating Sunday’s like any other day of the week, and i HATE that. I also really miss hearing the messages, taking the sacrament and speaking with my friends. I get moved to tears just thinking about how much I miss it. Really, I do!

Also… here is a photo of the day my dad gave me away to my husband. (Don’t worry, My husband asked my dad for permission first. Really, he did.)

What is your favorite scripture?

The second topic for national blogging month was “what is your favorite poem?”. I am changing it to Scripture quote instead.

Its been weeks since I have sat down and read my scriptures for hours like I used to do. In fact my books have been sitting in my truck; where I left them after church one Sunday awhile back. As much as I hate to admit that, I have to say that I have found myself reading more often in the past few days than I have read in the weeks prior to that. I have found myself reading in the parking lot while waiting for a store to open, or reading at the Ruckus Room on Toddler Tuesday while Charlie slept in her seat and Sam played until he could barely stay awake a minute longer. I think that maybe its a good thing my scriptures have been in my truck so much recently. Its given me the opportunity to read during my rare “downtime” moments because I honestly don’t have much time at all to read while home. If there is any time at all that isn’t spent breastfeeding, homeschooling, diaper changing, cooking or cleaning it seems to fill up with other mandatory tasks that need completing – like taking defensive driving for two nights in a row this week to avoid having to go back to court AGAIN. Or going to the doctor. Or shopping for groceries. So having the opportunity to read, if only a chapter or two at a time, has been a great blessing and has helped me remain calm in some of my most recent stressful times.

I have been reading in 2nd Nephi, and have found a few new favorite verses, but I’d like to take this oppertunity to ask YOU for your favorite verse from either the bible or from the book of mormon or from both.

Sam the Man

My baby turned three on Sunday, can you believe it?! We had his monster truck themed party on Saturday, and on Sunday he received his “baby” blessing at church followed by some pretty awesome family time.

Happy Birthday Dude!

HE LIVES!

Happy Easter, ya’ll! Here is a short video where our modern-day apostles and our living prophet testify that Jesus Christ is the Savior and that he lives today.

Watch & enjoy!

Agency & the Words of Wisdom…

When I first became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormon as most folks tend to call it, one of the most frequently asked questions I got from friends, family and even random people who happened to be listening in on whatever conversations I happened to be having at the time was, “Don’t you have to, like, uh, give up a bunch of stuff now?” or something along those lines.

My answer was – and still is – a simply put “No”.

Now, I assume that these people were referring to the Word of Wisdom when asking me about changes I would have to make in my life when joining the church. The Word of Wisdom, as defined in True to the Faith, is a law of health revealed by the Lord for our physical and spiritual benefit. This revelation, as documented in the Doctrine and Covenants, basically tells us what foods are good for us as well as those that should be avoided. We are promised spiritual and physical blessings for obeying The Word of Wisdom.

We have been instructed to not use alcoholic drinks, tea, coffee, and tobacco (D&C 89: 5-7). We are also taught that we should eat Vegetables and fruits, which should be used “with prudence and thanksgiving”. The flesh “of beasts and of the fowls of the air” which is “to be used sparingly” and Grains such as wheat, rice and oats, which are “the staff of life”. (D&C 89:10-17)

We are given promises of blessings if we obey the Word of Wisdom, as stated in D&C 89: 18-21.

And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

Now, back to the topic I wanted to talk about today, Agency. We are each given the gift of Agency, the ability to act and choose for ourselfs. So when it comes to the Word of Wisdom I like to think of it as guidelines that we have been given by our church leaders to help us live a healthy life. If I follow the Word of Wisdom and never drink alcohol I will never, ever, become an alcoholic. If I choose not to do illegal drugs, I will never become a slave to the hold they would eventually have over me. Choosing not to use tobacco makes it impossible for me to become addicted to it and also much less likely to get different types of cancer that modern-day science has proved it to cause. If I choose to eat fresh fruits and vegetables, to limit my meat intake, and to consume grains I choose to live a healthier life. The most important thing here is that *I choose* to do these things. I choose to follow the guidelines of my church leaders. I choose to be healthy. I choose to avoid addiction.

I have not always been a member of the church, and I have not always followed these guidelines. I have done drugs, drank myself into such an ignorant state that I was completely unable to defend myself from what was happening to me, and even though I am barely 5 feet tall I once weighed over 200lbs because of my very unhealthy eating habits. If I had been made aware of the Word of Wisdom at a younger age I may have avoided some of the most horrible experiences and hardships of my life, but knowing that I chose to willingly participate in those activities, and that I am now choosing not too makes me feel that much stronger. I am very thankful that I have never really been addicted to these substances, and also thankful that I survived the poor actions – and sometimes very serious consequences that were a direct result of – my youth. I can attribute so many things to the choices that I once made, including getting cancer, before becoming a church member.

I would also like to point out that these revelations occurred prior to modern day science proving that alcohol and Tobacco were dangerous and that whole grains were good for you…

I am so happy to have been given the gift of agency. To be given the ability to act and to choose for myself. I am so thankful to have been introduced to the Words of Wisdom while I was still somewhat young and to have the rest of my life to choose to be a healthier woman.

Baptisms…. For the living & the dead

I was raised in a mixed-christian-denomination household where the subject of baptism was looked at differently by each of my parents. My mother’s church, the Missouri Synod branch of the Lutheran Church, believed in baptizing infants and other very young children. They taught that without being baptized you could not enter the gates of heaven . As a result I was baptized as an infant, and when I had my first born I choose to have him baptized as well. I mean, what kind of mother would I be to let my son go to hell if he were to pass away as before being old enough to make that decision for himself. I felt like it was my responsibility to have him baptized, not to mention it was a tradition in my family. I asked the same pastor who baptized me as a baby (and also my siblings) to preform the ceremony and I made the 600 mile round trip drive to see it happen. Although, I don’t regret doing it, I now realize that I was doubting the mercy Christ by baptizing my son before he reached the age of accountability. As for my own infant baptism, I am not angry with the choice my parents made either. I am happy that they loved me enough to do what they felt was right. Without being raised in the churches I was raised in while growing up I might not have had the desire to pray and to be led to the Church I now am a member of.

Making the decision to get baptized as an adult was a big deal for me. It was something I never thought I would commit to doing – afterall, I thought it was something only babies had done or “strange born again” Christians who attended “Hollywood” churches did. I remember when the missionaries first asked me if I would be baptized. I smiled and told Elder Cluff “Yes, probably. But today is not the day.” It would be a few weeks later until I received my spiritual confirmation. I was sitting on my couch during one of my lessons, happy as always to be hearing the message the elders had prepared for me. When the Elder Cluff asked if August 29^th would work for me I just KNEW it was the right time. It was the right day and I didn’t care anymore that I was an adult or that people would see me get baptized or that my friends and family might think I was weird for joing the church. I was so happy… so excited.. so ready. It was the right time, and I finally knew it.

As I prepared for my baptism I grew to be more excited. I studied more about the ordinance and readied myself for the commitment I was making. I thought about having been baptized before and how I never felt “saved” in all those 23 years that followed. I thought about how I wanted everyone to be as happy as I was and this brought me to think about people who were not allowed to study the restored gospel because of their living situations or because of the laws the governments forced them to follow in their own counties. There have been billions of people who have passed away without having the ability to learn about Jesus Christ. People who have never seen a bible, and people who have never been introduced to any Christian denomination. Babies who are stillborn. Toddlers and young children who pass away in accidents or from illness. People who’s governments control their religious exposure. Why would a loving savior punish them for something that they really had no control over? I had learned about baptisms for the dead, also known as baptisms by proxy, in my studies before joining the church. I had been asked over and over if I had questions on the ordinance, because I can only assume most investigators and new comers to the church must have questions when hearing about something that, to my knowledge, no other christian denomination preforms. I had no questions. It made sense to me. If you aren’t given the opportunity to learn about the gospel here, why wouldn’t you be given another chance after your earth life? Why would you be sent to hell, or simply refused entrance into heaven’s gates if you lost your life before you even had the opportunity to be introduced to it?

Baptisms for the dead was one of my favorite topics to study as an investigator to the church and my interest continued to grow even after I joined. I looked forward to the day when I would be able to preform the saving ordinance for someone who was waiting on the otherside of the veil. Waiting, watching, and rejoicing that their opportunity to accept the work that I was preforming for them was finally coming.

When I was first able to preform baptisms for the dead I wanted to go with someone else from my church. I didn’t want to go alone for several reasons, and on the night of my first opportunity to go with a group of people from my church my sister went into labor and had some very serious complications that almost resulted in the loss of her and her babies life. Needless to say I went with my parents on a very long overnight road trip to get to her hospital as fast as I could and missed my opportunity to do baptisms. When the next opportunity came the person I was supposed to go with fell ill, then her child fell ill, then mine and then I eventually became ill myself. Shortly after we all recovered we had conflicting plans because of the thanksgiving and Christmas holidays and before I knew it January was here. My friend approached me in the hall at church on Sunday afternoon after Sunday school class had let out. She told me that she was available that Saturday, if I was. I thought about it briefly and told her I could go. I didn’t know for sure if I would actually have any conflicts that day or not, but decided that unless a life or death emergency occurred I would cancel any other plans that might have come up so that I could go do what I knew needed to be done.

The next Saturday came and my friend picked me up at my house early in the morning. My husband and son were still sleeping. I queitly left my house and rode with her to the Houston Temple. We listened to a talk on family work on our way there, all the while talking about other church things also. She is also a convert to the church – I believe this year will mark her 10^th anniversary – and I always love hearing her conversion stories. When we arrived she asked me if I was nervous. I honestly hadn’t been up until that point, but I was nervous. I was also happy and excited as well.

I can’t really explain how I felt while preforming these ordinances, baptisms and confirmations, for deceased persons I had never met. Honestly,It was different than I had expected, but it was still an awesome and spirit filled experience. I have hopes of returning to do more work for people on the other side of the veil – including my own ancestors once I am able to complete some research on them.

Several biblical references to read on this topic:

1 Peter 4:6 – Where the gospel was preached to the dead

Malachi 4:5-6 – Missions of Elijah

1 Corinthians 15:29 – Work preformed for the dead

There are other references from the bible I can send any of you who might be interested, and additional references from The Book of Mormon as well.

Here is a general photo of a baptismal font where baptisms for the dead are preformed in a temple.

When emailing my good friend Carter recently on this topic he wrote me back a list of scriptures and thoughts on the topic of baptisms for the dead. It was a very long, well worded and informative email. I would like to share this little quote with you:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only church that fulfills the Biblical ordinance of baptism for the dead that is required to save those who Christ, Paul and Peter all affirmed either had not heard the word of the Lord in this life, but would hear and accept it in the next life and be saved after death; or had heard The Word but had not yet had the opportunity to receive the ordinance of baptism to seal the promise.  This ordinance, as with all ordinances of the gospel, is done through the power of the priesthood keys (Melchizedek) that Christ gave to Peter:

Matthew 16:18-19 (Christ speaking again):  “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.  And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

These “keys of the kingdom of heaven” that bind in heaven whatever those who righteously hold the priesthood bind on earth, are used to perform ordinances of salvation—among them baptisms for the dead—in today’s temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; in the same way that the ordinances of the Mosiac law (blood and other preparatory sacrifices) were practiced in the tabernacle and later in the temples of Solomon, Zerubbabel and Herod.

In fact, this is all in fulfillment of a command given through prophecy by Malachi at the end of the Old Testament.  It seems tellingly important to me that the very last thing the Lord had written in the Old Testament is this:

Malachi 4:5-6:  “Behold I will send Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”

A study of Elijah’s life in the Old Testament (too lengthy to go into here) shows that Elijah held the priesthood sealing power Christ later passed on to Peter.  Therefore the crux of Malachi’s statement is this:

If those sealing powers had not been passed on from Elijah, through Christ, to Peter—if the priesthood wasn’t available for the children of men to perform baptisms for their dead forefathers, as Paul had argued—then all those billions of Heavenly Father’s children who had not heard the gospel, all those people in Asia and elsewhere who for millennia had not even heard of Jesus Christ, much less had a chance to receive His Word—could not be saved.

Is it a fair and loving Heavenly Father who for most of the history of earth only loved and saved Caucasians?  Would a loving Father in Heaven condemn the other billions of His children when they haven’t even had a chance to hear His Word?  Such a spiritual carnage truly would be a curse upon the earth, as Malachi had described.   But Heavenly Father loves His children—every one—and He has made a way for all to hear His Word and have the opportunity to be saved: even those who during their lifetime had no idea the gospel existed.

have you done any good today?