Empty me of me so I can be filled with you…

Even though I have gotten together with church members on a very regular basis over the past six weeks, I hadn’t been to a church meeting until Yesterday. It was my first time back at the church, other than my cleaning assignment and a nursery play date, since the birth of Charlie. I knew I missed being there, but i didn’t realize just how much I had missed it. How much I needed to be there. I arrived late, and had to sit in the very last row. Sam was quiet and well behaved even though I hadn’t anything to entertain him. He just sat there and ‘read’ his scriptures and sang random lyrics when everyone else was singing hymns. I had to go to the mother’s room once with Charlie during sacrament to nurse, but other than that the day went very (unexpectedly) smoothly. Although I had been anticipating my return to church, I had been afraid about how hard it would be to tend to two children ALONE. I would run through all the possible scenarios in my head and just couldn’t figure out how i’d carry my scriptures, the carseat/carrier, sam’s bag-o-stuff, sam’s scriptures, a blanket for the baby, ect. So, i simply didn’t. Instead of bringing all kinds of things with me to church i decided on the basics – a diaper bag and scriptures. That was it. I decided that Sam should not be entertained with toys at church and that Charlie didn’t need anything other than diapers, wipes and *me*. I didn’t even bring in the baby carrier. I, instead, chose to ‘wear’ her on my chest to make juggling everything else easier. It went more smoothly than i thought it would – although an extra set of hands would have been nice – and I’m glad I finally went back.

I wasn’t able to take the sacrament because I arrived to late, but the talks were on family. It was so great to hear the speaker’s messages! I had been going to a family history class during the second hour of church before, but having missed so many weeks i was a bit unsure of wear to go, and arrived late to that class as well (i HATE being late, by the way.) I took my time dropping Sam off at his class and eventually found my way to mine. I didn’t stay there long though, I hadn’t brought any of my family history information or my netbook/laptop with with me. (oh, but how cool is this – my dad has all of my family history information dated back to like the 1400’s on BOTH sides of my family. He also knows who has had temple work done for them, even though that information might be outdated. Apparently, I have a great aunt and uncle whom I have never met that are church members, and even though my dad isn’t, he has kept up with some of their information. I haven’t actually uploaded any of my information on familysearch yet, but will as soon as i get it all from my dad.) I wondered out to the bulletin board that I decorate – my calling – and realized how far behind on that I had gotten. There were new members whose photos weren’t posted, and it was still decorated in a winter theme. I spoke to the sister whom I assist with the board and made plans for updating it. During the 3rd hour I made it to RS where I was reminded that we have hit the half way mark in our BOM reading challenge… where I realized I was only about a quarter of the way through.

The one year anniversary of my baptism is rapidly approaching and I haven’t finished anything that I told myself I would. I haven’t read the entire Book of Mormon yet. I haven’t kept up with my calling. I haven’t always done my visiting teaching. I haven’t always let my home teachers or visiting teachers come see me in my home because of reasons i can’t always control, but none-the-less…

Someone recently told met that “if you are too busy for to read your scriptures and to do what God has called you to do then you are much more busy than he ever wanted you to be!” Although, they were kidding when they told me this, I can’t help but feel the truth in that statement. There are so many tasks that I dedicate my time to that are in NO way more important than my studies and my other responsibilities.

Tonight, while driving home late from sewing at my mom’s house and trying to update my website with new items for sale (something i didn’t finish either…) I heard a song that spoke to me.

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you.

Oh, how I needed to hear those exact words. I am selfish. I have vein ambitions. I have a poisonous pride. I have come so far in the past year, but I’m still not done growing. I am still not done learning. I don’t think I ever will be…

I’ve had just enough of the spotlight
When it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood
And I’ve tasted my share
Of the sweet life
And the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough

I know how i can stray
And how fast my heart could change

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So i can be
Filled with you

Ive seen just enough of the quick buys
Of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away

I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change
Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you

Cuz everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
Compared to you
Cuz everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
So I surrender all

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you.
Filled with you
Empty me

Agency & the Words of Wisdom…

When I first became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormon as most folks tend to call it, one of the most frequently asked questions I got from friends, family and even random people who happened to be listening in on whatever conversations I happened to be having at the time was, “Don’t you have to, like, uh, give up a bunch of stuff now?” or something along those lines.

My answer was – and still is – a simply put “No”.

Now, I assume that these people were referring to the Word of Wisdom when asking me about changes I would have to make in my life when joining the church. The Word of Wisdom, as defined in True to the Faith, is a law of health revealed by the Lord for our physical and spiritual benefit. This revelation, as documented in the Doctrine and Covenants, basically tells us what foods are good for us as well as those that should be avoided. We are promised spiritual and physical blessings for obeying The Word of Wisdom.

We have been instructed to not use alcoholic drinks, tea, coffee, and tobacco (D&C 89: 5-7). We are also taught that we should eat Vegetables and fruits, which should be used “with prudence and thanksgiving”. The flesh “of beasts and of the fowls of the air” which is “to be used sparingly” and Grains such as wheat, rice and oats, which are “the staff of life”. (D&C 89:10-17)

We are given promises of blessings if we obey the Word of Wisdom, as stated in D&C 89: 18-21.

And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

Now, back to the topic I wanted to talk about today, Agency. We are each given the gift of Agency, the ability to act and choose for ourselfs. So when it comes to the Word of Wisdom I like to think of it as guidelines that we have been given by our church leaders to help us live a healthy life. If I follow the Word of Wisdom and never drink alcohol I will never, ever, become an alcoholic. If I choose not to do illegal drugs, I will never become a slave to the hold they would eventually have over me. Choosing not to use tobacco makes it impossible for me to become addicted to it and also much less likely to get different types of cancer that modern-day science has proved it to cause. If I choose to eat fresh fruits and vegetables, to limit my meat intake, and to consume grains I choose to live a healthier life. The most important thing here is that *I choose* to do these things. I choose to follow the guidelines of my church leaders. I choose to be healthy. I choose to avoid addiction.

I have not always been a member of the church, and I have not always followed these guidelines. I have done drugs, drank myself into such an ignorant state that I was completely unable to defend myself from what was happening to me, and even though I am barely 5 feet tall I once weighed over 200lbs because of my very unhealthy eating habits. If I had been made aware of the Word of Wisdom at a younger age I may have avoided some of the most horrible experiences and hardships of my life, but knowing that I chose to willingly participate in those activities, and that I am now choosing not too makes me feel that much stronger. I am very thankful that I have never really been addicted to these substances, and also thankful that I survived the poor actions – and sometimes very serious consequences that were a direct result of – my youth. I can attribute so many things to the choices that I once made, including getting cancer, before becoming a church member.

I would also like to point out that these revelations occurred prior to modern day science proving that alcohol and Tobacco were dangerous and that whole grains were good for you…

I am so happy to have been given the gift of agency. To be given the ability to act and to choose for myself. I am so thankful to have been introduced to the Words of Wisdom while I was still somewhat young and to have the rest of my life to choose to be a healthier woman.

i saw god today

This song came out a few years ago, and i remember falling in love with it the very first time I heard it. Until recently it had been months since I heard it, but over the past few days it seems to be playing every time I get in my car and turn on the radio. Every time i hear it I have to stop and think about how many blessings I have and how I need to just slow down and reconize them. A loving and hardworking husband, a awesome two year old son, a baby girl growing inside of me, friends, family, a house to live in… so many things. I could talk on this topic for hours, but its late so i’ll just leave you with George Straights 2008 CMA preformance video and a copy of the lyrics for your reading & viewing pleasure. enjoy.

I just walked down the street to the coffee shop
had to take a break
I’d been by her side for eighteen hours straight
I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to see
the flashin’ lights, the honkin’ horns
all seemed to fade away
in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today

Chorus:
I’ve been to church
I’ve read the book
I know He’s here, but I don’t look
near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I’d just slow down to stop and stare
opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today

I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands
Man, she had that glow
yeah I couldn’t help but notice she was starting to show
I stood there for a minute takin’ in the sky
lost in that sunset
a splash of amber melted in the shades of red

Chorus

I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She’s sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She’s got my nose, she’s got her mama’s eyes
My brand new baby girl
She’s a miracle
I saw God today

What do Mormons beleive?

I get emails all the time asking me specific questions like

“Do Mormons believe in Jesus Christ?” or “Do you believe in the Bible?”

Other times questions are sent in the form of comments such as: “Did you know that….” There have been quite a few times that these comments have been incorrect, and so I thought I would post the Articles of Faith here for you to read.

I still welcome your questions and comments – either here on this site or though my email address. I just wanted to post the basics to help clear up any confusion or misunderstandings.

1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.
2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.
3. We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.
4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.
6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.
7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.
8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.
10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.
    
    
11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.
13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

- Joseph Smith

2 Nephi 2:22-25

“And Adam would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery doing no good, for they knew no sin. But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”

I have been thinking about these verses from 2 Nephi a lot over the past few days. I first read it during one of my meetings with the Elders, and I have stumbled upon them twice since then. It is actually talking about the fall of Adam, but it speaks to me in a different way as well.

When I first started investigating the church I was very excited. I loved everything I learned about and I had a great time attending and studying. I knew almost immediately that I wanted to join, but when I prayed about joining I got a very unexpected “no.” This confused me because I had been led there by the spirit in the first place, but I decided not to join at that time and to continue my search.

I later realized, after returning to the church and receiving a “yes” to that same prayer, that it would not have actually been a journey if I hadn’t moved past my very first stop. I think that maybe I wouldn’t appreciate the happiness and fullness that I have now (and continue to receive)  if I hadn’t of tried to attend another church and studied other faiths. “…they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery doing no good, for they knew no sin…”

Prayers & Promises (my first GIVEAWAY!)

Character, discipline, gentleness, obedience, protection, patience, self-control, worry . . . Moms have so many important concerns to bring to God-and often so little time to meet with Him. Prayers & Promises for Mothers can help to bridge the gap. It’s brimming with nearly two hundred scriptural promises and companion prayers that seek God’s blessings on all the practical issues of a mother’s everyday life. Moms can use them as personal “prayer starters,” or simply as daily devotions.

I was given this book, Prayers & Promises for Mothers, on mother’s Day at an event I attended. It is a paperback book filled with bible verse referances, short prayers, and devotions  for the everyday concerns of a mother. So far I really like this book, and I want to share it with you.

So, (drum roll please…) I am going to give away one brand new copy of this book to someone who reads my blog! I’ll be keeping my copy, so we can read through it together.  Currently, I don’t have many readers so your chances are pretty high! Also, if i just so happen to get alot of entries i’ll give away more than one copy so that your chances to win remain high…. tell everyone you know to enter!

How to enter:

Leave a comment on this post before Friday at noon (CST).

Your comment can be about anything. You can tell me about your mother, you can tell me about your children, you can tell me about your favorite bible verse, or you can simply say “hi” or “enter me”. If you are not a mom, you can enter to win for a mom you know and love…. everyone is welcome here!

One entry per person, please. Winner will be chosen at random, and announced here Friday afternoon.

Good luck!

Forgiven & Loved

Tell me I’m forgiven and loved
‘Cause I hear it from the street corner priests
On how God is love and how man can be clean
But my joy has been on holiday
And my peace has almost passed away
Tell me I’m forgiven and free

O I tried and tried to rectify my hopeless situation
But I bought the lie I still have work to do
Now I’m working nine to five like I can earn my own salvation
But there is no condemnation in You

O whisper to me now that it’s for real
‘Cause in the silence of these walls righteousness lost its appeal
Dirty deeds have done me in
O but that can’t stop the faithful friend
Giving mercy once again as You heal
Here it is I’m feeling it

O He died, He died to rectify my hopeless situation
And His blood commands my guilt to leave
Now on Calvary I stand
Empty pockets, open hands
O there is no condemnation for me

Child, you’re forgiven and loved
Child, you’re forgiven and loved
Child, you’re forgiven
And child, you are loved
Child, you’re forgiven and loved

I have been only listening to Christian music for the past several days now. The best way to learn a new language is to be submersed into it, to go and live abroad, right? Well, I’ve decided to try to listen to only Christian music for a while to see how it changes my outlook, if at all. I have to say that I am already able to recognize songs on the local Christian music station, and that I already have a favorite. Jimmy Needham’s Forgiven and Loved is such an awesome song. I usually only listen to country music, and as far as gospel is concerned I only listen to old school southern gospel. Its a little jazzy, but still this is an incredible song.

He’s from Houston… have a listen:

 Forgiven and Loved

Reading by candlelight…

I orginally posted this last night, but somehow entered an invalid code of somesort that froze up the site and deleted the post. This is the second time i have done this, so thankfully I learned the hard way the first time and saved most of the post in a draft. Lets see if this one works!

It’s late, and I should be sleeping. My eyelids are heavy; my body is tired and weak. I am thinking about the church. It’s been three weeks since I attended a meeting and I miss it already. I had only attended a few times to begin with, so it’s odd that I would miss it, but I do.

Since I can’t sleep I climbed out of bed and retrieved my laptop and the Book of Mormon that I had in my living room and brought them both back into my room. My husband is sleeping and so that not to wake him up I lit a small candle instead of turning on the overhead light. I will finish reading 1 Nephi tonight. I should have already finished reading it, but I get distracted so easily that I have to re-read the same pages over and over before I can comprehend what I have read.

I’m signing off now to read by candlelight and plan to document my progress tomorrow afternoon on my lunch break.

For any of you reading that wish to leave a comment, please tell me your favorite scripture and why the particular verse means so much to you.

Goodnight.

***Real Time update***

I am finished reading 1Nephi Chapter 2. My favorite verse thus far is:

16 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.

  17 And I spake unto Sam, making known unto him the things which the Lord had manifested unto me by his Holy Spirit. And it came to pass that he believed in my words.

***Real Time update***

I have finished reading 1 Nephi 3 and my favorite verse so far is:

7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

Isaiah 55:1

¹Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. (KJV)

I stumbled across this verse this morning “He who is thirsty, come to the waters.” (NIV) It reminded me of an older woman I met at Katy Mills Mall just after Christmas while playing with my son in the little play park outside of the CD store that my husband was shopping in. I don’t remember her name, but I don’t think i’ll ever forget the way she looked. She was short, she had short white hair, and she was with some children from her church. The children’s mother had just given birth to another baby, and because she was single a few ladies from the church had offered to take care of her older children while she recoved from her recent birth. The lady was so sweet and I could see Jesus in every breath she breathed.

“what church do you go to?” I asked almost as soon as I met her.

“The waters” she said in such a sweet fragile voice.

“Where about is it?”

“Katy, but we don’t really have a building yet. We will be moving soon.”

“Oh, ok.” I said and then began asking her about the children she was with and introducing them to my son.

Untill this morning I had forgot that old woman, and the conversation about The Waters. I don’t know where the church is, but I plan on finding it and attending once. I have to be open minded and try several places before commiting to a home. I’ll end up where the spirt takes me, and untill then I have to search.

I still want to read The book of Mormon while I search, and I still plan on documenting my progress here. With that being said I must try a handfull of other churches to make sure I understand my calling and that I am where I should be.

Fat Tuesday & Ash Wednesday

 

Fat Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday, called Mardi Gras. Traditionally, it is the last day for Christians to indulge before the sober weeks of fasting that come with Lent. Formally known as Shrove Tuesday, Mardi Gras has long been a time of extravagant fun for European Christians. In many southern states of the USA Mardi Gras is a traditional holiday. The most famous celebration takes place in New Orleans, Louisiana. It has been celebrated there on a grand scale, with masked balls and colorful parades, since French settlers arrived in the early 1700s.

On April 17th, 1958, His Holiness Pope Pius XII confirmed the Feast of the Holy Face of Jesus on Shrove Tuesday (Tuesday before Ash Wednesday) for all the dioceses and religious orders who would ask for the Indult from Rome in order to celebrate it.

I was raised primarily in the Lutheran church. This church is similar to the Catholic Church with its primary differences being the 95 theses that Martin Luther nailed on the church doors. Anywho, Fat Tuesday, the day before Mardi Gras begins, is usually celebrated with a pancake supper at the church and we would give up something for 40 days and 40 nights. You should give up something that’s not easy to do. Some people give up candies, others meat. Everyone is different, and thus their self sacrifice varies too. My personal sacrifices over the  years varied from giving up caffeine to sugar to liquor to cell phone usage, etc.

I am not Catholic, and really I am not Lutheran either. However, I have decided to participate this year in a new and different kind of way. Last night I decided that I would make some changes in my life, at least for the lent season anyways, to see if it brought me closer to Jesus. I will not be drinking any more caffeine. I have seriously cut back on the amount of caffeine I have had recently (and in fact that’s usually what I give up for lent anyways because it’s so hard for me to do. Last year I gave up all drinks other than water – including teas, coffee, milk, juice, etc.) I have also decided to remove my remaining body pricings. I had twelve piercings total. Three in each earlobe, two in my left ear cartilage, my nostril, my tongue, my right nipple, and my navel. In recent months I have removed everything other than my nostril stud, and my tongue ring. The reason behind this is simple my piercings (and tattoos for that matter) mark a certain part of my life. Its kind of like how a photograph captures a particular moment in history and preserves it for all time. My body art did the same for me. It captured memories for different parts of my life and provided a constant physical reminder of my past. My first piercing was in my earlobes for Christmas when I was 13 years old. I wanted it so badly but my father, a Pentecostal, did not believe in altering your body. When I was 13 I had already been confirmed in the Lutheran church, the one my mother attended, so my parents agreed that I could have my ears pierced and wear modest earrings. At 16 I got my second holes in my ears, and at 17 I got my third. At midnight on my 18th birthday I got my tounge and my right nipple peirced (i went for my tounge only, but if i remember correctly they had a two-for-one-peircing special that apperantly i thought was too good to pass up.) Later that year I also got my cartilage pierced two different times in my left ear making what is called an ‘industrial’ where you can wear a bar through both holes at the same time. Once I removed the bar and placed separate studs in each opening the holes shifted and I was never able to wear the industrial bar again. That didn’t convince me from letting them close, though. I got my navel, or belly button, pierced when I was 18 (I think) also. I was dating a guy that didn’t want me to do it, and I ‘rebelled’ against him one night by going out and getting it done with a friend of mine without his knowing. My nostril was the last thing I got pierced and it was when I was 20, about a week before Casey and I got engaged. Casey had his septum (the cartilage between your two nostrils) pierced at the time, and this was my way of matching him. I had always wanted it done, but I hadn’t gone until then.

Tattoos are the same for me. They mark a time in my life that I’ll never forget. My first tattoo was when I was 15. I was on house arrest (another story for another time…) and I still managed to get into a tattoo parlor, not get asked for ID (or arrested for that matter), and tattooed. My second was when I was 19 – a homemade tattoo in memory of my grandfather who had passed away, and my 3^rd was when I was 20.

In addition to no longer drinking caffeine, taking out my piercings, and committing to not getting any more tattoos I have decided to also no longer drink alcohol. Giving up alcohol will not be hard for me since I don’t drink very much at all anyways. There was a time in my life that I drank on a very regular basis, but those days are long behind me. I have drank several times in the past few months, but am resolving now to no longer drink, at least, as I mentioned earlier, during this 40 day period.

I haven’t had any caffeine since the day before yesterday, and I am having headaches from it. Surprisingly enough most over the counter headache medicine contain caffeine, so I won’t be taking any Excedrin either. As I mentioned earlier I have given up caffeine a number of times and I know the headaches are normal, and that they only last about 2 days after they start. So by tomorrow afternoon I should be fine.

Also, I realized that it might not be appropriate to speak out nipple rings on a Christian website, but the purpose of this blog is to be honest and to document my journey. I hope I didn’t offend any of you, although I am sure I did. I welcome your comments….