atheist vs agnostic: why i never considered myself atheist…
I never felt comfortable in church growing up, I felt out of place and almost as if I just shouldn’t be there. This sent me searching for answers at an early age – answers that it would take untill I was an adult to discover.
Many people ask me what the difference between an atheist and an agnostic is, and why I considered myself to be agnostic. In my own words an atheist is someone who does not believe in a god, where an agnostic acknowledges that there is a God or Creator but has not committed to a specific denomination of faith.
I never considered myself to be an atheist for two simple reasons:
1.I have a conscience and strongly believe that having one is not something that can form from nothing or something that can be part of evolution. Being blessed with a conscience is something that I feel you can only be given by your creator.
2.) I have witnessed miracles. I have seen things happen that have absolutely no scientific explanation. Knowing that science can not prove everything helps me to know that there is a higher being in control. It also helps me to accept the fact that even though there isn’t scientific proof on why or how some historical church events happened doesn’t mean they never did.
There have been many more other confirmations that I have chosen the right church. Some of them may be as simple as a spiritual confirmation to a prayer or just simply watching a miracle take place before my own eyes. None-the-less I have received my confirmation, have you? If not may I encourage you to search, as I did, and wait patiently for your answer. If you haven’t heard the answers to your prayers you may want to try not talking the whole time… after all it is a still, small voice. 
First Sunday in September
Today is the first Sunday in the month of September. Today was my first time hearing the testimonies of the members of my home ward. There were many more children that spoke it seemed like, and a sister that I have befriended also spoke and brought me to tears with her words.
After the meeting I took Sam to his class where he was extremely happy to be left, and I headed off to my own class. This time the class was taught by our three, soon to be two, elders and the topic was families. I felt the spirit very strongly throughout the entire class, stronger than any other class I have been to before, and was given just enough strength not to break down and cry throughout the entire lesson. This is a very hard topic and sensitive issue for me because, as of now, I can not be sealed. Over the past few months I have seen small glimpses of growth, understanding and the desire to learn, but I have also witnessed a stubbornness and unwillingness/inability to give up habits and addictions. I’ll spare you the details, but at times it really is almost too much to bare.
The Relief Society meeting was great, and for the first time I verbally participated. When the sister who was teaching asked referenced a story from The Book of Mormon and asked the class a question I was actually able to answer. I had read the story she was teaching from last night (three times actually, because I read everything more than once to make sure I have read it correctly) and was able to participate in the discussion. I was also called on twice to read aloud. I remembered to buy (and actually remembered to bring to church…) extra toothpaste yesterday for the hygiene kits we will be assembling before the general conference. I met a sister that organizes play dates with mothers of children close to Sam’s age too. All in all it was a great meeting.
This week I have a lot going on, so I may not be around to blog much. I am house-sitting and dog-watching for a family in my ward that lives near by throughout the entire week. Monday is a holiday and Casey has made plans for us, but I am not exactly sure of what all they are. I am also volunteering at a missionary meeting on Tuesday morning, and although I really don’t have the slightest clue on what I’ll be doing there I am actually looking forward to it. Then on Wednesday night I have an interview with the Bishop – I am really looking forward to that, but as always with everything, I am somewhat nervous. I will probably use Thursday and Friday to prepare for my upcoming craft show, and Saturday I have been asked to share my testimony at a baptism. Its actually pretty neat that I was asked to share it because a few days ago during my last meeting with the elders at my house we quickly touched on the topic of the men in the ward that were going shooting together this upcoming Saturday and that my husband was thinking about attending. They asked what time it was going to be so that they could try and schedule the baptism at a different time so that any men interested in attending both could possibly do so. As soon as they mentioned having a baptism that day I immediately thought about volunteering to share my testimony (trust me, I have A LOT to say) but, being somewhat new and shy, I choose not to. So today when I was asked I wasted no time saying “YES!” Obviously, It was meant to be.
Please feel free to leave me your comments, or to email me directly. I love hearing from ya’ll – especially my friends that I don’t get to see much anymore!
Have a great week and a SAFE holiday. I know I have said this tons of times before, but please please please please please DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. Also, just because you are sober doesn’t mean that the people driving next to you are. Don’t drive unless you have to!
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