I know I have not blogged in, oh, about 9 months. Guess what I’ve been doing?! Lots of things, really, but growing a baby was right up there on the top of my list. I never got around to announcing the pregnancy publicly for several reasons, but none of those matter now.
A few weeks ago i looked like this:
… but now HE IS HERE!
Wyatt Bexar Kelch was born on Wednesday April 16th at 5:33 AM at the University of Utah hospital. He weighed 7 pounds and 8.1 ounces and came in at an immeasurable smidge less than 21 inches long. I had a completely unmediated and natural VBA2C , we did delayed cord clamping and left him unbathed in his varnix for the first few days. After lots of prayer, I did consent to the K shot and the PKU testing but otherwise he was drug free and unaltered too. ;)
His pregnancy was pretty typical. I was tired and sick in the beginning and exhausted there at the end. I did find out I had some sort of blood/bone marrow disorder while pregnant which meant I had to give up my plans of a home birth and deliver at the hospital in case I needed a transfusion after birth. (I didn’t. And i’m doing great now after a recently intravenous infusion brought my levels up to almost normal and, as of now, it appears that they are still rising.)
The inspiration for his name is mostly from Wyatt Earp and San Antonio De Bexar, but, as usual, there are family and spiritual ties in there also.
From the beginning, when we were still TTC, we decided we would have a natural birth at home. I had already had two (what i now consider to be unnecessary) csections and we knew we wanted a vaginal birth and I committed early on to having no pain medication. I wasn’t going in to this stubborn and unwilling to make adjustments as needed, but those things were important too me. As time went on and it was obvious that I wasn’t a good candidate for a home birth this time around we started interviewing doctors to see who would allow and support a vba2c delivery. This was a very scary time for us. Neither of us are comfortable in hospitals or with doctors (in fact we even removed my IUD at home just to avoid a doctors office visit.) And on top of needing to find a doctor to deliver the baby we were dealing with the news that I may have had cancer, too. (I don’t. It seems to be caused by something else. I do plan on seeing a specialist soon, but as of now everything looks a hundred times better than it did before). It was a scary (and expensive!) few months there, but we finally found a very supportive and awesome doctor who met our needs. Dr. Silver was not only a doctor known as the vbac king at the University of Utah hospital, but he is also the CHIEF of Maternal Fetal Medicine there! He is very knowledgeable and supportive and naturally minded, but has the needed skillset for life saving procedures in the case of an emergency. I interviewed him once for a little over an hour and we discussed what was important to me and what his ‘requirements’ were. I agreed to an intravenous iron infusion to help bring my levels up to a healthy level before the birth as well as agreeing to wearing wireless/waterproof fetal monitors during labor and having heploc access in my arm. He agreed to let me TOLAC, to walk around, shower and soak in a tub during labor. He also agreed to let me be drug free and to not push an epidural. That was it. He was the match we had been waiting for. We discussed other things that were important to me, too, but we agreed to see how everything went on their own and to just ‘go with the flow’. The U was over an hour away from my house, while Davis was literally just across the street, but it was worth the drive. After we committed to birthing at the hospital with Dr. Silver my midwife, Jess, transitioned into my doula and Silver became my primary caregiver.
Now, I have never been 40 weeks pregnant. In fact, I’ve never been even close. Sam and Charlie were both prescheduled c-sections and they were both taken early. By the time 40 weeks hit (my due date also happened to be Sam’s 7th birthday) I was physically ready. I was tired. I was hurting. I was also in the middle of non-progressive labor where I was having strong contractions regularly but was not advancing into more active labor. There I sat. For FIVE days. Contracting. It was stronger and more frequent at night and real (not BH). So for those 5 days I could not sleep. I could barely eat. I went to the hospital twice to get checked. I was only at 1cm both times. My doctor, as supportive as he was, had a ‘deadline’ of 41 weeks to let me labor naturally. He had several reasons for this, and I knew he was right, so by 40 weeks and 3 days I had started to loose hope of advancing on my own. A medical induction would likely end in a repeat section and I began to consider another scheduled section to avoid an emergency surgery. It was an emotionally and physically exhausting time, but at that weeks regularly scheduled visit the midwife at the hospital checked and I was finally advancing on my own. I was 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced and my amniotic sac was bulging – just about to break. This was Tuesday. Friday was my ‘deadline’. The doctor said he could break my water then to naturally induce labor without drugs or I could try and wait it out, which would be less risky, and if it didn’t break on its own I could come back on Thursday to do it and still have a chance of having him before the enforced Friday deadline. Casey had taken the afternoon off and a sweet couple from my ward had babysat my older kids since I had past my due date and was still contracting and we weren’t sure what the doctor would say. We decided to go home and get the kids and try to let things progress naturally – with having my water broken intentionally on Thursday being our backup plan.
We got home and while I cooked dinner we talked about weather or not I needed casey to stay home with me the rest of the week or if he could still go to work. I was fine, really, but sometimes contractions (which were about 2 minutes apart at this time) would knock me down to my knees without notice. So things like driving were becoming increasingly unsafe to do alone. While we were having that conversation and while I was literally passing out dinner plates I had another contraction that was strong enough to knock me over. That scared Sam. Then came another and another. I told casey I thought I had a small leak in my water and that we should go ahead and pack the kids an overnight bag just incase and I called my friends to see if they could come back over for the night… just in case. I also texted my doula/midwife and birth photographer and said that it *might* be time. Looking back I KNEW it was time, but because the previous week of not progressing even though it felt like I was had made me doubt myself. So, we headed back into the hospital and Jess met us there. At this time Becci, the photographer, was just on call at home. Casey dropped me off and I met Jess who was already there while Casey parked the car. I guess I looked worse than I felt because the man at the front desk offered me a wheelchair but I knew I needed gravity to help me out and i declined so that I could just walk up to L&D on the second floor. I first went to there, but they sent me across the hall to the OB Emergency Room first to determine if I was in labor or if I should be sent home – again. It took several nurses to finally determine that my water was leaking (more on that later) and that I was advancing. Jess and I even talked about going home, again, to wait it out because we just were not sure. Eventually I was admitted and got room 11 (which is like the nicest room there!). By the time we got to the room it was around midnight and officially Wednesday. My other two kids were born on Wednesdays, too, so I had a good feeling that my labor would progress enough to where he would be born that day.
The nurse that was assigned to me was also a doula, Kelly, and she was great. She came in and introduced herself to me and we talked quickly about what my plans were and what I wanted. She and I (and everyone else who came in) talked about how I was PURPOSELY UNPREPARED. I wanted to tackle each second as they came at me and not worry about why things were or were not happening at a certain time or certain way that some sort of book made me thing they should. I wanted to position my body in a way that felt *right* and I wanted to just go with my instincts. My body knew how to grow a baby and I knew it would know how to birth one. I had Jess there for help and she was my natural birth expert. She has done this hundreds of times. In homes. Without doctors. Without monitors. She would know what phase I was in and what I needed. I trusted her and I trusted myself. The doctor on call that night (who was also from Texas and we had met on another night when we went in to get checked, which was nice) came in and talked to me for a minute about the risks of what was involved, again, and had me sign a consent form. She also recommended I speak to the anesthesiologist on call that night just in case I decided I wanted drugs later. He came in and was pretty much a jerk. He basically told me I needed pain medicine and tried his hardest to talk me into it. I stood firm (and even Casey was offended) and he finally left without giving me the epidural he REALLY wanted me to have.
At this point we had already told Becci that we had been admitted and she headed up the the U and would meet us soon. Casey had worked all day and then helped me with everything when he got home, and knowing it was going to be a long and late night, I encouraged him to take a nap (after he got me a diet coke first, lol) and I just spent time with Jess. She rubbed my feet and legs with Clary Sage Essential oils and focused on pressure points to stimulate labor. She walked with me in the halls and she encouraged me to sit on the birthing/yoga ball.
I also asked one of the nurses, but i can’t remember which one, to find me to elders to give me a blessing. I hadnt gotten one yet and I knew there was a good chance, with it being Utah, that there were elders there *somewhere* and I just needed help finding them. ;) Eventually two doctors came in and, together, anointed and blessed me. I had absolutely no pain during that time and The things they said were beautiful. I was going to bring another spirit child into this world and everything was going to be OK. I finally knew it without any doubts.
I showered and then my water completely, or so i thought, broke. I knew this would expedite things now that it was more than just a leak but when I told the doctor and she checked me she noticed another bag of water. Crazy, huh? Apparently, it was layered something like this – membrane wall, water, membrane wall, water, baby – and, if i understand it correctly, this is why i had non-progressive labor for so long. The baby’s head was floating just high enough to not put the needed pressure on my cervix to dilate and go active. The doctor asked if she could break the other membrane wall and when she did she checked me and said i was full dilated and was at a plus two, i think. This is when everything gets blurry. I guess the endorphins and hormones and adrenaline makes it hard to remember things which is ironic because one of the reasons I was drug free was so that I would have the ability to remember. Ha! Anyways, I went to soak in the tub and I remember, after having looked forward to it all night long, being very uncomfortable. They brought me pillows and that didn’t really help, either, so I finally got out and sat on the toilet (which i was a little too short for) and Jess pushed my legs while I tried to push the baby downwards. Eventually I went back to the bed and squatted there for a bit and realized I was still naked from when I had soaked in the tub. I am usually a VERY modest person and the room was filled with lots of people at this point – including the photographer. I asked someone, Casey, I think, to get my sports bra back out of the bathroom so that I would at least be covered on top (my water had broke on my hospital gown so that was not getting put back on. lol) I had help putting it on, i think, and then, for the next thirty minutes or so I was holding casey’s hand and pushing. It was strange – it didn’t really require any thought or effort. It was automatic. I couldn’t of stopped it if i tried. The doctor told me to try and push for 10 seconds at a time, and so I did, but otherwise i really had no control. My body knew what to do and literally HAD to do it. So i just let it all happen. I didn’t fight it. I didn’t cry. I didn’t demand drugs. I didn’t even really scream – but I did make some sort of noise that somehow made me push stronger. I don’t know what that was. Soon they said they could see his head and he had hair – which is a first because Sam and Charlie were both pretty much bald – and they told me to try and touch him. I did. And a few minutes later, at 5:33, he was here with us earthside.
They put him on my chest immediately for me and Casey to see and hold and love. We had requested that the cord not be cut right away and that we be allowed to keep the placenta (which Jess dehydrated and encapsulated for me). He just laid there with us. Just like it was meant to be. He was ours. He was perfect in every single way. After the placenta was birthed Casey was given the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord. With the birth of our first two children the were cut from my belly, the cord was clamped and cut and they they were immediately wisked away into the nursery. We weren’t allowed to touch Sam for 3 days and we weren’t allowed to hold him for 4 days. Charlie was gone for about 4 hours getting ‘newborn procedures’ done and one of my biggest motivators for a natural birth was to get to meet my baby right away. I didn’t want to wait. Those first few minutes are so precious and you only get them once. I wanted to experience birth the way the Lord intended it. I wanted to labor and work hard to meet my baby. I wanted to touch my baby and hold his perfect little body as soon as he joined us here and I wanted to leave his body perfect and untouched once it arrived. I wanted to make these choices and I didn’t want someone else to make them for me.
As he lay on my chest he pooped at least twice and so eventually I was able to leave him with Casey and the doctors while I showered and Jess helped me in and out of shower and back into the bed. While I showered they weighed, measured and swaddled him. When I got out he was placed back on my chest and he was able to nurse while he got his K shot. Now, I know I didn’t want anything done to him at birth, but after lots of prayer I got a specific answer that he needed the K shot and the PKU testing. He just cried for about 3 seconds and then went back to nursing and that was it. Just shortly before 8am we moved out of our labor and delivery room and into our postpartum recovery room where I stayed until coming home friday evening. In my room he threw up what we think was just amniotic fluid about 14 times and lost almost a full 10% of his weight in the first 24 hours. He passed all of his tests and ate just fine the next day so we were happy about that. Apparently its super common for babies born naturally to do that. He didn’t want to be put down or sleep overnight so we watched the History Channel all night long together (casey has been great about letting me sleep and rest all day long while he has been home this week. He has cooked and cleaned and managed everything and encouraged me to rest as much as I can. I love that man. It isn’t always easy but I don’t know what we would do without each other!)
My car broke down while I was in the hospital so Casey had to pick me up in his – which requires a stepstool for me to get in to. The ride home was bumpy and akward but we got home and were happy to be all together. Sam and Charlie had met Wyatt at the hospital, and they both picked out and brought us flowers, but holding him at home was different and special. Even Gunnar, our dog, is doing good. He is super curious and we don’t leave them alone together but he likes to lick his feet and sniff his head all the time. Wyatt is pretty much a normal baby. He eats, sleeps and poops all day long. He is also super adorable and overall a pretty calm and happy guy. He does look alot different than Sam and Charlie did at birth for the most part, but they do all share the same nose. Casey thinks Wyatt looks more like his Papa Kelch and his hair is a little red-ish. It will be interesting to see how he develops and grows. He is such a blessing and I am just SO madly in love with him and all of his wrinkles and fuzziness already.
As far as church goes – i have been less active than I should be recently. The last few weeks of my pregnancy were hard and uncomfortable and I had also received my infusion in March. So I missed several weeks and I didn’t teach RS in March or April. I plan on going back to teach the second Sunday in May and getting back into my regular schedule. I still haven’t been to the temple since moving to Utah, which has almost been a year now, and, in the last few days of pregnancy and also while healing from the birth I haven’t worn my garments. I prayed about it though and feel like that is ok for me at this time. This wednesday will be the two week post postpartum date and, prayerfully, everything will be back to normal for me by then… or at least very soon. Its been a crazy few weeks but things have finally started to settle down and fall into place. Wyatt fits right in with our little group here. My grandmother, who lives with me full time, is in Texas until the end of May visiting family and friends so she hasn’t met him yet but i’m sure that will go just fine. I have had dinners and lunches and gifts from my ward family and just received an overall outpour of love and support and I am truly touched and speechless about it all.
As far as everything else goes that i havent blogged about recently – Casey still loves his job and he loves Utah. We sold his car and we both have “new” (old) cars now (being a one car family after my accident was too hard and once my grandma moved it it was impossible). I have finally made friends at church and feel like I have award family again. It was a really rough year and things like my accident and my grandma moving in with me did take some adjustment but we are finally settling in. I am happy and comfortable here now and I consider this my home… I do think we will move again eventually as our family continues to grow, but I do think we will stay in Utah forever.
I have decided to sell my house in Texas, also, so that I can finish the repairs needed here (and pay off some of this medical debt). If anyone is interested it is a newer construction 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house and is under contract with a third year tenant. I am selling it as an investment property / rental under lease and it currently pays out $975 in cash each month. It is in great condition and is located in NW Harris County on Fry and 529 about a mile away from the new Grand Parkway entrance. Its a great rental and will be a great investment for anyone in that area. It has just become clear to me that I am not moving back to Texas and I need to let it go so that I can take care of some other pressing matters. If you are interested just let me know. I am asking $95,000 but will consider any reasonable cash offers.
Here is our birth photo slideshow. It does NOT contain anything in appropriate or any full on nudity. I am wearing a swim-type top at the the very least in all of the photos and most of them have me in a full size hospital gown or covered completely in blankets. I do hope you’ll watch and enjoy it. It was a very special part of our life’s and i want to share it with all of you! <3
Click here to watch - The birth story of Wyatt Bexar Kelch !!!
PS i am still tired and didn’t proof this post. i’m sorry for any wacky typos!Filed under about me, being a mother, family, healing, hope, natural medicine / healing god's way, photos, Preisthood Blessings, we're pregnant!!!!!!, what i'm doing... | Comment (0)
22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.
23 And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.
24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.
25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
Moving to Utah has been a very hard adjustment for me to make, and adding the the effects of my accident has made it harder. I have been so anxious and depressed and angry for the last month. Yesterday, we drove out to SLC to meet our new Maximized Living Provider, Dr. Taylor, and get our first set of adjustments after our move and since our wreck. Maximized Living is close to my heart and I have been seeing Dr. Mahan in Texas for years now but it is new in Utah. I am so happy their office is only 44 miles away – i have had to drive farther in the past. Anyway, after my first adjustment I felt instantly better. The burning pain in my eyes were gone. The pain in my shoulders, neck and back were gone. Then I did a full body vibe for 5 minutes and that, as always, made me SO happy and I felt so clean and healthy when we left. My power had been turned back on!
Casey and I also decided that we DO need to go ahead and buy another car. I think we will remain a one car family, but we need a bigger vechile because his lowered 425hp two wheel drive car is not a good fit for the Utah roads, traffic and severe weather. Living without a car for a while now has made me realize how much i *don’t* need one all day every day, but I do need it for occasional things – doctors visits, grocery shopping, ect. I can not drive casey’s car and he can not be my errand boy and personal driver for ever. Heh. With our new additions to our family coming soon we need more space than it can offer anyways. We aren’t really decided on what we will do at this point, but i am pretty sure some sort of change will be coming soon. We really aren’t in a rush so we have time to decide.
As far as ‘new additions’ go, we are adding a few family members. My 82 year old grandmother, Mimi, is moving in with us full time in less than 2 weeks and we have committed to adopting, Gunner, a rescue dog being transported from Texas at the end of the month too. We also hope to add another baby or two in the near future, too. So, because of these changes to our family, as well as some unexpected plumbing emergencies, our home is in the middle of a remodel. At first I was so angry from my car accident that I just took a crowbar to the flooring upstairs and in a matter of 2 hours I had ripped out nasty old carpet and padding to reveal 51 year old hardwoods hidden beneath. Over the next two weeks or so we finished ripping out all the carpets upstairs, removing all the baseboards, trim, doors, and hardware. We sanded, primed, stained and sealed the floors and are working on replacing all of the doors, moulding, trim and hardware with new solid wood that we are painting a clean bright white color to go against the blue-gray walls and onyx floors. We are also having to replace 14 of our windows because they are so loose that they can easily be pushed out and leak air and water – which is obviously not good. We are doing all of this ourselfs (what a wonderful learning experience!) but have outsourced the manufacturing and installation of the windows and
Then, in the midst of all of that, we had a tub that wouldn’t drain. I treated the pipes, snaked and plunged them… with no results. I finally caved and called out a plumber. The plumber misdiagnosed the problem and ruined my antique cast iron tub in the process. After getting several other opinions we found out that we have some piping that needs replacing. We have two options. We can either cut out the ceiling and one wall in the basement or we can remove all of the existing fixtures in the upstairs bathroom and access the pipes through the flooring. Because of their age the fixtures can not be replaced safely once removed. Since the tub was already ruined and because i would rather not knock out walls we have decided to replace the fixtures and try to access the pipes through the flooring. And because my grandmother is moving in with us and that will be the bathroom she will most often use we have decided on getting a walk-in therapeutic tub for her. This requires an electricity outlet to be added, but otherwise it can all fit and function within the space we already have. We had no plans on redoing the bathroom so soon after moving in, but are excited to go ahead and have working plumbing again. Its been almost a month of not having a working tub. So excited for that project to be complete!
Casey is loving Utah. He loves his job, the weather, the mountains… EVERYTHING. He is just so happy here! He even loves this house – pink carpet, rusty pipes and all.
i can’t wait to be finished with our upstairs and upload photos for ya’ll to see!Filed under adoption, being a mother, family, goals, healing, maximized living / chiropractic care, natural medicine / healing god's way, OUR CRAZY LIFE CHANGING JOURNEY!, what i'm doing... | Comment (0)
i just ate an entire jar of refrigerator pickles and two organic dark chocolate almond butter cups. i can’t sleep, either. i guess this is how im gonna mourn Marge. for every bad time where we broke down there was 100 good ones. she was the car that brought charlie home from the hospital, and the one that took me off road and where i prayed and got my answer as to which church to join in almost 4 years ago. I have ate my dinner and then slept in there more nights than i care to count – i literally had it longer than any ‘real’ home i’ve ever owned and probably spent more time in it, too. It was SO much more than just a car me. It was, when i first bought it, my dream car. This all just sucks so bad. I have always said i needed to be car-less to learn how to be less of a consumer… maybe this is part of that greater plan. At first i was so thankful we were all alive, then i was scared when it set in what had happened and where i was, then i was angry. Now i’m just sad. Really, really, really sad.
We were hit by a man driving at full speed down the shoulder of the road. He hit us hard enough to flip us to the side and then we bounced back. Thankfully, we didn’t completly roll and even though we have cuts and bruises we were in good enough shape to walk home from where it happened. I have been having a very hard time with some things these past few weeks and this put it in a new light. I DO love my husband and my children and I’m so thankful to have the opportunity to spend the rest of our lives together. This could have ended so much worse. I’m also thankful that, even though it didn’t survive the crash, my car kept us safe. I can not imagine any other vehicle or any other crash senario having the same end result. It was a perfect crash. The strongest part of our car was hit and everyone was ok. In the end that is all that matters. I only have Texas liability coverage (no collision) which has no value here. I won’t be getting any type of insurance benefits or compensation. I’ll be carless for awhile, but who knows… Maybe i’m supposed to be-. Time will tell what lesson i will learn and what purpose this has for me.being a mother, family, healing, hope, OUR CRAZY LIFE CHANGING JOURNEY!, scarey stuff!, what i'm doing... | Comment (1)
We started the almost 1600 mile drive on the 4th and spent one night in New Mexico, one in Colorado and then the third night we finally made it to our new house. Its been a rough move, but i’m getting to be more at peace with it each day. I like the house and I like the area. Its just hard for other reasons… bleh.
My fears of having moved into an LDS warzone have also been confirmed. EVERY day I have been ‘warned’ about the church from people who see me unloading boxes or something else that makes it obvious that i’ve just arrived here. It bothers me that people feel compelled to warn strangers about the local church members, but I also know that it gives me the chance to step up and smash their stereotypes and lead them by example to the fullness that is there. Each of these people are so surprised that I am a member of the church and acutally listen a little bit to what I have to say. I know that I am planting a seed of sorts with these people that might one day lead them to the fullness of the gospel. I kind of think that is why I am here – to teach the people who don’t want to be taught by the missionaries who are perceived as young and without life experiences. I am SO thankful for the missionaries that have touched my life, but I understand how speaking with them isn’t appealing to someone who didn’t have your typical LDS upbringing. I didn’t grow up knowing about the church or wanting to be a mormon and I have heard all of the steryotypes before. I have a strong testimony and it was my personal life experiences that lead me to where I am and helped me to grow. I know that, by example, i can lead people to the fullness they are missing.
Originally I thought my move here served other purposes for my family and our eternal future, but in my short stay here so far I am beginning to see a different plan for my family and for me, specifically. I have let go of *my* plans and am just praying for the lord to move my feet down the path he wants me to walk stopping to do whatever it is he needs me to do along the way. Its not easy to let go of something you have wanted so badly for so long, but it was time. I am finally at peace with it.
I am not sure any of this makes sense – i am only sleeping 3 or so hours a night these days. Lots to do with unpacking and stuff. Obviously we are back from our short stay in Mexico now, and I have also dreaded my hair (as crazy as it sounds my reasons are primarily spiritual. a detailed post to follow) Charlie will be turning 3 this Sunday and we are celebrating tomorrow. Its so hard to believe how much she has grown!Filed under about me, asking for advice, Atheists, baptism, being a mother, family, fast and testimony, goals, healing, holidays, hope, how it started, Mormon, OUR CRAZY LIFE CHANGING JOURNEY!, what i'm doing... | Comment (0)
We closed on our house yesterday, and after waiting a little more than 24 hours for our down payment check to clear the bank, we got our keys today. Casey spent several hours in the house tonight before returning to his bosses house where he is currently living, and by his own admission, spent most of that time crying.
He keeps receiving one confirmation after another. Every single day. He is so happy.
I am happy for him. For us.
Here she is, ya’ll. Click here to see our Clearfield house. This is the first house we have ever purchased together and its our biggest and scarest move yet – but we both understand how there is a greater plan and a greater purpose that we can not see. Each and everything we have done in the past has led us HERE.
The kids and I will be joining him on May 4th. We can not wait.Filed under family, fast and testimony, goals, hope, how it started, OUR CRAZY LIFE CHANGING JOURNEY!, scarey stuff!, what i'm doing... | Comment (0)
Casey is on his second week of being a Utah resident. I will be moving up there in about 2 weeks and while I’m scared of fiances (pay cut + state tax that we don’t have in texas = scarey!) i am more worried about living near so many… Mormons.
Now, I realize that sounds crazy. I am Mormon myself, right? I am. I have a strong testimony. I know that this is a true church and that it has been restored. I have no doubts that I made the right choice in getting baptized, confirmed or going through the temple.
I am concerned about being around so many people who have *always* been a member of the church. Maybe they haven’t had the life experiences I had to lead them there. I really dont know how to express my fear, but it is a genuine fear. I talk to casey (who just LOVES utah, by the way) every day about it. I am also concerned about the ex-members and the anti-lds. I guess the only way to describe is as though I am moving into a war zone. You are either super-mormon and always have been, or you aren’t and you fight with all of your strength against it.
My testimony of the church is strong, as is my testimony to move alongside Casey to Utah. That isn’t what this is about. Has anyone else had any simular fears?
In other news Casey has clearly received spiritual confirmations that he is doing the right thing and is living in the right place. He says its from the Universe and not the Holy Spirit, but i’ll take it.
I am just happy that he is finally happy with that part of his life. <3Filed under Atheists, family, fast and testimony, goals, hope, how it started, Mormon, OUR CRAZY LIFE CHANGING JOURNEY!, scarey stuff!, what i'm doing... | Comment (0)
Sam just came into my room (its 11:09pm) and my first reaction was to tell him to go back to bed. I didn’t, though, and asked him what he wanted to tell me. He told me he needed to share a movie with me that he had found on the internet. It was a reenactment of Christ’s Cruxifiion. I don’t ‘celebrate’ easter in the same way that i don’t ‘celebrate’ Christmas. (for the record Mormon’s DO celebrate these holidays. and i am not against their celebration at all) I just can’t get all super excited about it. I believe wholeheartedly that Jesus is my savior, but i remember it daily and do not need one day a year to eat candy and gush about how important it is to me – if that makes any sense. It has pegan roots, just like Christmas does, too, so i kind of feel like it really isn’t a christian holiday – more of a government compromise from long ago that now has a bunch of consumerism tied to it. Anyways. I don’t get offended by others who choose to celebrate it today, its just not something i can get super excited about for just one single day. I am trying each year to get more excited and more involved in the day’s celebration, but i’m just not *there* yet. So because of my personal feelings about the mainstream celebration of the easter holiday i don’t think i have taught my children enough, or spoken enough about it to them recently. I was shocked and amazed that Sam had found this video (he has the mormon chanel on his kindle) and so flattered and honored that he would choose to share it with me. The excitement in his eyes as he talked about how much he loves Jesus and how much Jesus loves him was so heartwarming. It was a nice way to spend a few minutes together so late this evening. I am so thankful that I was calmed and accepting when he came to speak to me instead of urging him to return to bed like i wanted too. Anyway, here is the video. Sam would like me to share it with you and to have you share it with your family tonight and cuddle in bed and watch it like we did.Filed under being a mother, family, fast and testimony, holidays, hope, Mormon, mormon messages, what i'm doing... | Comment (0)
Today is Casey’s last day of work as a Technical Sales and Designer in Houston, Tx. After he leaves today he will drive 1,540 miles to start his new job as a Sales Engineer in Woods Cross, Utah on Monday. Two years ago i was at my dads birthday party at his lake house in Lago Vista and I prayed and fasted for a way to get out of the house we had in Cypress. We faithfully followed the plan I was given which has littetally lead us to taking this job in Woods Cross and buyibg this house in Clearfield, Utah. It had lots of ups and downs along the way and, even though i am scared, im still wholeheartedly following the plan laid out for me. I have a testimony of prayer and fasting – something i just dont do often enough – and the blessings that come from faithfully following the revelations laid out for us… Even if it is as seemingly crazy and hopeless as mine was. :)Filed under about me, family, fast and testimony, goals, hope, how it started, OUR CRAZY LIFE CHANGING JOURNEY!, scarey stuff!, what i'm doing... | Comment (0)
I had to take Sam to the hospital on two different days last week. Both events were unrelated. The first time he got a huge nasty knot on his head by ‘running into a slide’ and the second time he broke his arm when he fell off a scooter while playing up the street with a neighborhood friend. Sheesh! I didn’t witness either of those two accidents. No worries, though, he is doing just fine. In fact he tripped and rolled down a little cliff while watching deer in the yard yesterday. He was just standing still and then somehow toppled over and rolled. He just stood up and kept watching them like nothing had happened! Boys will be boys will be boys!Filed under being a mother, family, healing, photos, scarey stuff!, sick, what i'm doing... | Comment (0)