a working SAHM

I love staying home with my kids, and even though I know its the best thing for my family, i have really missed working. Until last year I have worked full time since the age of 15, often holding down multiple jobs at once. I have always been independent and able to care for myself.  I am married to a hardworking man who does his best to give this family everything it needs, i really am grateful for his dedication. However, it is a different experience spending money when you are not the one earning it. I missed earning money on my own. I mean, Its hard to buy a present for someone if you have to ask them for money first, right?! So, I expressed the desire to work again with my husband and we agreed that becoming a nanny would work best in our current situation. This was we both won. I would still be home raising our kids and tending to our house – all while making a little bit of extra money to help out and contribute. Recently, an opportunity came up for me to begin babysitting full time in my home and I took it.

today is my first day, and so far everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.

The real challenge will be working on my craft business and my tamale business (more info to come later!) while being a nanny, but i am sure i’ll be able to do it all just fine.

To help keep us all calm, and to have a spirit filled home today, I have played an audio version of the scriptures through my dvd player all morning – 6 hours thus far – and it seems to be working well.

just a photo:

Since i have actually blogged a few times this week already i don’t feel so bad about posting nothing but a photo today.

Almost doesn’t count…

Today is July 1st. This means that we have lived through a full six months of the year 2010. This got me thinking about what my new years resolutions were, and I decided to check my progress and share my status with you. You can read my New Years post HERE where I clearly outline my goals.

Resolution 1.)  to be a better missionary. i will invite (and pray the invitation is accepted) a minimum of 10 people to attend church with me. I was able to get two visitors last year, and although neither have been baptized yet I know that they have at least been introduced and that they know where to go if they have questions or concerns of any kind.

My first New Years Resolution this year was to be a better missionary. I feel as thought I got off on the right track by having the missionaries who are currently living in my ward over for dinner once and inviting my Mother over to join us. My mom has accompanied me to several church events where she seemed to have enjoyed herself, and I thought that maybe having her over for dinner would be a good start. We ate the dinner I had prepared, watched a church movie with the guys and then read a from our scriptures outloud. I am pretty sure the topic of that evenings discussions was The Restoration of the gospel because, still to this day, it is one of my favorite things to discuss. My mom was given a Book of Mormon to read aloud from and then accepted the offer to keep it. I am not sure if she has read any of it since, but I know that she has been introduced and she knows where to go if she has any questions. I invited the missionaries over once again the following month, and my mother agreed to join us, but I fell ill and had to cancel our plans so that I could go to the hospital that evening. I haven’t signed up to have them over since, but I think its about time. They have such a strong spirit about them, and you can’t help but have a great time when they are spending time with you in your home. As far as inviting anyone else to church, I have drooped invites into conversations and emails throughout the year, but as not to seem overly pushy, haven’t followed up as much as I probably should have.

Resolution 2.)  to better live the words of wisdom. I already follow the words of wisdom, but I want to be even healthier. I want to take care of this body that I have been given. I only get one and truth be told I have already put mine through hell and back in the seemingly short time i have been on this earth.

I am somewhat pleased with my progress on this resolution thus far. Of course I do follow the words of wisdom, I have since investigating the church and don’t ever intend on not following them, but, I still have a few unhealthy habits that I am sure I intended on giving up when I made this resolution. A decrease in fountain drinks would be a good start, as it seems to be my current obsession.

Resolution 3.) to be a better wife and mother. I will give all of myself to my family. I will make sure they know i love them and that I am here for them. I will teach Sam the right ways of living and try to get less frustrated with him as he grows and learns and naturally makes mistakes.  I will raise my daughter as best as I can and remember my unconditional love for her at all times – even during the 3am feeding on my 97th consecutive sleepless night following her birth.

Ah, yes. Its strange to re-visit these. I wrote them while I was expecting little Miss Charlie to arrive, and was almost clueless as to how her birth would effect me. I would like to say that I am, again, pleased with my progress on this resolution. I have been getting less frustrated with Sam as he grows, learns, and makes mistakes. He is actually very mature for his age, I think, and we have developed a great method of communication.  As far as Charlie goes, I make a conscious effort to enjoy her every moment of baby-hood. She has almost doubled in size since her birth and I know she’s just going to continue to get bigger. I still consider her a newborn, at only 7 weeks old, but she can sit unassisted for over an hour in her little chair and she can roll-over and scoot too. She still has her baby smell, but it is quickly fading and just the thought of it being entirely gone makes me want to cry. I try to focus only her while she nurses, although I do often multi-task, and just enjoy her. Sam grew up way to fast for me, and I am trying to slow down and enjoy it more this time around. She may very well be my last baby (although i hope not!) and I don’t to miss a thing. I also have taken much better care of my house and my other in-home responsibilities this year, than in years past. My focus is my family and everything I do – or choose not to do, for that matter – is for them… even if they might not understand it at times.

Resolution 4.)  blog more often. I want to use this blog as the tool i originally intended it to be. I want to learn more from ya’ll and i want to write about the ways that the LORD is working in my life.

I have pretty much failed thus far at obtaining this goal. I think about blogging ALL the time, but just never get around to it. You do have my promise that I will continue to make an effort when it comes to keeping this site updated. I do want to hear from you guys more often and I want to speak to you too.

Resolution 5.) read The Book of Mormon from start to finish. The ladies group at my church is doing a challenge together so that we can all read a little bit each day and complete the book on or before the end of the year.

Fail. Big fat FAIL. I haven’t even finished 2 Nephi, to be completely honestly with you, but I AM reading and I WILL finish. I am waiting before trying to accomplish other church-related things until I am done reading my scriptures from cover to cover. I am extremely motivated to do this, believe it or not, I just need a few hours of uninterrupted silence and I could probably read it all at once.

Almost doesn’t count, and because it doesn’t count I will continue to strive to reach these goals that I outlined 6 months ago. I’m so very glad I decided to revisit them, it was a good reminder.

Also, I’d love to hear from you… so de-lurk, my blogger friends, and say hi!

(PS what time does Magnolia ward start? I want to visit ya’ll, but I never remember what time your meetings begin. Sorry!)

Empty me of me so I can be filled with you…

Even though I have gotten together with church members on a very regular basis over the past six weeks, I hadn’t been to a church meeting until Yesterday. It was my first time back at the church, other than my cleaning assignment and a nursery play date, since the birth of Charlie. I knew I missed being there, but i didn’t realize just how much I had missed it. How much I needed to be there. I arrived late, and had to sit in the very last row. Sam was quiet and well behaved even though I hadn’t anything to entertain him. He just sat there and ‘read’ his scriptures and sang random lyrics when everyone else was singing hymns. I had to go to the mother’s room once with Charlie during sacrament to nurse, but other than that the day went very (unexpectedly) smoothly. Although I had been anticipating my return to church, I had been afraid about how hard it would be to tend to two children ALONE. I would run through all the possible scenarios in my head and just couldn’t figure out how i’d carry my scriptures, the carseat/carrier, sam’s bag-o-stuff, sam’s scriptures, a blanket for the baby, ect. So, i simply didn’t. Instead of bringing all kinds of things with me to church i decided on the basics – a diaper bag and scriptures. That was it. I decided that Sam should not be entertained with toys at church and that Charlie didn’t need anything other than diapers, wipes and *me*. I didn’t even bring in the baby carrier. I, instead, chose to ‘wear’ her on my chest to make juggling everything else easier. It went more smoothly than i thought it would – although an extra set of hands would have been nice – and I’m glad I finally went back.

I wasn’t able to take the sacrament because I arrived to late, but the talks were on family. It was so great to hear the speaker’s messages! I had been going to a family history class during the second hour of church before, but having missed so many weeks i was a bit unsure of wear to go, and arrived late to that class as well (i HATE being late, by the way.) I took my time dropping Sam off at his class and eventually found my way to mine. I didn’t stay there long though, I hadn’t brought any of my family history information or my netbook/laptop with with me. (oh, but how cool is this – my dad has all of my family history information dated back to like the 1400’s on BOTH sides of my family. He also knows who has had temple work done for them, even though that information might be outdated. Apparently, I have a great aunt and uncle whom I have never met that are church members, and even though my dad isn’t, he has kept up with some of their information. I haven’t actually uploaded any of my information on familysearch yet, but will as soon as i get it all from my dad.) I wondered out to the bulletin board that I decorate – my calling – and realized how far behind on that I had gotten. There were new members whose photos weren’t posted, and it was still decorated in a winter theme. I spoke to the sister whom I assist with the board and made plans for updating it. During the 3rd hour I made it to RS where I was reminded that we have hit the half way mark in our BOM reading challenge… where I realized I was only about a quarter of the way through.

The one year anniversary of my baptism is rapidly approaching and I haven’t finished anything that I told myself I would. I haven’t read the entire Book of Mormon yet. I haven’t kept up with my calling. I haven’t always done my visiting teaching. I haven’t always let my home teachers or visiting teachers come see me in my home because of reasons i can’t always control, but none-the-less…

Someone recently told met that “if you are too busy for to read your scriptures and to do what God has called you to do then you are much more busy than he ever wanted you to be!” Although, they were kidding when they told me this, I can’t help but feel the truth in that statement. There are so many tasks that I dedicate my time to that are in NO way more important than my studies and my other responsibilities.

Tonight, while driving home late from sewing at my mom’s house and trying to update my website with new items for sale (something i didn’t finish either…) I heard a song that spoke to me.

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you.

Oh, how I needed to hear those exact words. I am selfish. I have vein ambitions. I have a poisonous pride. I have come so far in the past year, but I’m still not done growing. I am still not done learning. I don’t think I ever will be…

I’ve had just enough of the spotlight
When it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood
And I’ve tasted my share
Of the sweet life
And the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough

I know how i can stray
And how fast my heart could change

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So i can be
Filled with you

Ive seen just enough of the quick buys
Of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away

I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change
Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you

Cuz everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
Compared to you
Cuz everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
So I surrender all

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you.
Filled with you
Empty me

one month

Yesterday marked one month since the birth of my baby girl. She had her one month check up on Friday where she received her second hepitius shot and was measured and weighed. She has gained over two pounds already as well as gotten over 3 inches taller! She is only one month old and has already outgrown newborn sized clothes and I can only attribute her growth spurt to being exclusivly breastfed… for HOURS each day. That girl never stops eating, and its obviously making her grow. Thats  a good thing, so I guess I can’t complain about not being able to sleep as much as I would like.

Yesterday I had a cleaning assignment at the church. My husband had to work, something unusual for a Saturday since quitting his second job months ago, so my parents agreed to babysit while I went. I have family in the Navasota State Prision and my parents asked if I minded if Sam rode along for their visit. Sam has been on a recent “COPS” show kick and always gets excited when he sees policemen. He always asks about jail and the people that “live” there, so I agreed to let him go. The Navasota State Prison is a minimum security prison and the inmates are all pretty trust-worthy – well, as trust worthy as a prison inmate i can, i suppose. I have been to this prison many times myself and knew that Sam would be safe there espesicaly since both my parents would be with him. Since Sam is a minor we knew that he would not be allowed to have a ‘contact’ visit with the inmates, but he could go in for a “glass” visit and meet the family he has never met before – all while seeing police men, prison gaurds and  “jail”. He was excited, but after making the 2 hour drive we found out he wasn’t allowed in because he was wearing shorts. Anyways, I had a BLAST at my cleaning assignment and can’t wait to start attending sacrament meetings again. I almost went this morning, but decided to wait another 2 weeks untill charlie was 6 weeks old. She has been somewhat sick since receiving her Hep shot the other day. I made a new friend while cleaning the bathrooms(of all places!) and even got to see the bishop for a few moments. It was so great to be in the church building and to be with some of my friends all while serving. I honestly enjoyed myself, and was surprised at how much fun I could have while cleaning.

I had planned on getting Charlie’s one month photos taken yesterday, but it will have to wait a few days. Its probally better that I waited since she has been somewhat sick recently. ill be sure to post them soon, though.

Casey started a new semester of school last week in addition to a hard-core diet and exercise program. He’s already lost weight! I have only lost 21 pounds in the past 3 weeks, and have about 8 more to go. I don’t beleive in diets, but have no doubt that I’ll reach my goal in the next week or two. I also dont beleive in scales (because i think i’d obsess over my weight if i owned one) but I was in the hospital last week for a post-ceserian uterine infection and was weighed at the time of my check in. I know 21 pounds is alot of weight to loose in 3 weeks time, but i can’t help wanting to loose the rest of the weight i gained… see why i don’t own a scale?! The infection isn’t that bad, thankfully, and as far as I know is already gone. Even though I was in pain my ONLY concern was my fertility. I know that we may be done having children, but i also know that i DO want more. I also want to be an egg donor at least once in my life and uterine infections can offten lead to infertility. Thankfuly, all seems to be healing fine.

Sam is doing well as a big brother. He even made up a “Charlie Grace” dance where he spins in circles while shaking his bottom shouting “Charlie Grace” over and over untill he can’t stand straight anymore. Its cute. He doesn’t like to feed her, but LOVES to throw away poopy diapers (and ONLY the poopy ones for some reason). He reminds me that she is his “see-steer”. Also, now that her complection has lightened up quite a bit he says they look alike. He has no idea that he was dark like her once too! (why are babies born so dark? they haven’t ever been outdoors and come out sporting a tan! I thought it was because of my olive color that I got from my father who is part indian, but i’ve noticed lots of other newborns with a ‘tan’ too. hmmmm.)

As you can probally tell I have decided to give up on the national blogging month topics. The topics i’ve skipped have been irrelevant to this blog anyways – such as “who was your first kiss and when and where was it?”. Its not important so i’ve decided to put in an honest effort to blog more, but try to blog about things that matter.

Thanks for reading through my rambles!

You have just been given one million dollars. You are not allowed to keep it or to give it to anyone you know personally. Who do you give it to and why?

This is the last topic I’m behind on, and its probably the most simple for me to answer.

GIVE IT TO MY CHURCH.

I’d give it to my church to assist is mission work, building temples, sending The Book of Mormon to people world wide and anything else that would help bring people to my church.

<3

Do you owe anyone an apology? Who and Why?

The next topic that I need to catch up is “do you owe anyone an apology? who and why?”

Yes. My husband and my son.

To Casey: I’m sorry i’m up blogging and not cleaning like I should be. In all fairness this makes pumping go by faster.

To Sam: I took an applesauce cup after you went to bed and it was delicious. I’ll get you more though.

On a more serious note, though, there is not anyone that I can think of off the top of my head that I actually do owe a really good, deep, apology to. I am a very open person and I believe in having an open line of communication with everyone I know. If I owe you an apology you’ve probably gotten it already. Of course, I try not to hurt people. If I do hurt someone though I take full responsibility and try to make it right.

Oh, and to the hospital that I have a mound of un-paid medical bills on my desk from… i’ll get to you soon.

What is the first thing you think of when you think of your father?

Recently I’ve been thinking alot about my Heavenly Father. I haven’t been to church in what seems like FOREVER because I was told by several sisters in my ward that you should stay home until your newborn is 4 to 6 weeks old. Charlie is almost 4 weeks now, and I’m super excited to be returning to church soon. I miss it. Really. I keep finding myself treating Sunday’s like any other day of the week, and i HATE that. I also really miss hearing the messages, taking the sacrament and speaking with my friends. I get moved to tears just thinking about how much I miss it. Really, I do!

Also… here is a photo of the day my dad gave me away to my husband. (Don’t worry, My husband asked my dad for permission first. Really, he did.)

Define freedom:

I’m still behind on National Blogging Month. I’ve been sick with some minor post-surgical complications, but i’ll elaborate on that later.

My goal is to catch up tonight, but with very short answers to the topic prompts that have been chosen for each day that i’m behind. Since i have a tendency to ramble, i’m sure you won’t mind the shorter posts.

The topic for June 3rd was “define freedom”.

Its hard for me to define freedom because i’ve always been free. I’ve never lived in a county where I didn’t have rights. I’ve never been told where and who I can and can not worship. What I could wear. Really, I’ve been blessed. I LOVE my country and I’m very thankful for everyone who has fought for the rights that I have!

What is your favorite scripture?

The second topic for national blogging month was “what is your favorite poem?”. I am changing it to Scripture quote instead.

Its been weeks since I have sat down and read my scriptures for hours like I used to do. In fact my books have been sitting in my truck; where I left them after church one Sunday awhile back. As much as I hate to admit that, I have to say that I have found myself reading more often in the past few days than I have read in the weeks prior to that. I have found myself reading in the parking lot while waiting for a store to open, or reading at the Ruckus Room on Toddler Tuesday while Charlie slept in her seat and Sam played until he could barely stay awake a minute longer. I think that maybe its a good thing my scriptures have been in my truck so much recently. Its given me the opportunity to read during my rare “downtime” moments because I honestly don’t have much time at all to read while home. If there is any time at all that isn’t spent breastfeeding, homeschooling, diaper changing, cooking or cleaning it seems to fill up with other mandatory tasks that need completing – like taking defensive driving for two nights in a row this week to avoid having to go back to court AGAIN. Or going to the doctor. Or shopping for groceries. So having the opportunity to read, if only a chapter or two at a time, has been a great blessing and has helped me remain calm in some of my most recent stressful times.

I have been reading in 2nd Nephi, and have found a few new favorite verses, but I’d like to take this oppertunity to ask YOU for your favorite verse from either the bible or from the book of mormon or from both.